Writing an obituary is one of the most important and often challenging tasks you’ll face after losing someone you love. In just a few hundred words, you’re asked to capture a lifetime of relationships, memories, and moments. After helping thousands of families write tributes that truly honor their loved ones, we’ve learned what transforms a basic notice into something memorable and meaningful.
Here are five principles that can help you create an obituary that celebrates a life with honesty, warmth, and love.
1. Begin With the Person, Not the Facts
The most common mistake people make is leading with dates, places, and formal details, rather than focusing on the person at the heart of the story. While those details matter, they shouldn’t define the tribute.
Instead of writing:
John Smith, 74, died on March 15 at General Hospital after a brief illness. He was born in Chicago on June 3, 1949, to Robert and Mary Smith. He graduated from Lincoln High School in 1967 and married Susan Jones in 1970.
Try something like this:
John Smith had a laugh that could fill a room and a way of making everyone feel like the most important person in the world. Whether teaching his grandchildren to fish at the lake house or perfecting his famous barbecue sauce, John approached life with infectious enthusiasm and genuine warmth.
Once readers feel like they’ve met the person, you can include the key facts. Leading with character invites connection and honors what truly made your loved one special.
How to find the right details:
- What did people always say about them?
- What were their signature phrases or habits?
- What brought them joy?
- What stories are told most often at family gatherings?
2. Use Stories to Show Who They Were
Generic descriptions—“loving father,” “devoted friend”—don’t bring someone to life. Specific stories do.
Instead of saying: She was generous and kind.
Try: Margaret never met a neighbor she wouldn’t help. She was known for showing up with homemade soup when someone was ill, organizing meal trains for new parents, and somehow always knowing when someone needed a listening ear.
Stories like these help readers feel they knew the person, even if they never met.
To uncover stories that show character:
- What did they do without being asked?
- What traditions did they create or keep?
- How did they respond to challenges?
- What made them one of a kind in your family?
3. Include Small, Unexpected Details
The best obituaries have moments that make readers smile or pause. These are often found in the small, quirky details that made your loved one who they were.
Examples:
- Harold never met a crossword puzzle he couldn’t solve—usually in pen—while cheering on his beloved Cubs.
- Betty collected salt and pepper shakers from every trip, amassing over 300 pairs and a story for each one.
- Rick, though tone deaf, sang in the church choir for twenty years, believing joyful noise mattered more than perfect pitch.
Details like these create connection and remind us that we are celebrating a whole, complex person.
Where to look for these details:
- Hobbies or passions that brought them joy
- Habits or preferences that family teased them about
- Surprising skills or hidden talents
- Small rituals that were uniquely theirs
4. Show Their Relationships
Rather than listing survivors at the end, weave relationships throughout the story. Show how they expressed love and supported the people in their life.
Instead of writing: He is survived by his wife Susan, children Michael and Sarah, and four grandchildren.
Try: John’s devotion to his wife Susan was clear in the way he brought her coffee in bed each morning and held her hand during their evening walks. He was proud of his son Michael’s work as a teacher and his daughter Sarah’s commitment as a nurse. His grandchildren knew him as “Papa,” the master of pancake breakfasts and terrible dad jokes.
This approach brings the person’s connections to life.
How to weave relationships effectively:
- Focus on what they did for others
- Share family traditions or rituals
- Highlight how they inspired or supported loved ones
- Include small personal touches like nicknames or shared jokes
5. Reflect on Legacy
A meaningful obituary helps readers understand how someone’s life left a mark. Legacy can be found in values passed down, traditions kept alive, or the small ways they made life better for others.
Examples:
- Tom’s legacy lives on in the work ethic he instilled in his children, the garden that still feeds his family, and the students who remember him as the teacher who believed in them.
- Martha’s influence is seen in her daughter’s volunteer work, her son’s dedication to family traditions, and the community garden she started that continues to bring neighbors together.
Legacy statements provide comfort to families and inspiration to readers.
Consider legacies in:
- Values they taught
- Traditions that will continue
- People they mentored or encouraged
- Contributions to their community or profession
Writing With the Head and Heart
A meaningful obituary is more than a record of facts—it is a chance to honor a life well lived and help others remember, celebrate, and connect with that person. Take time to gather stories, think about what made them special, and write with honesty and love.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is a tribute that feels true to the person you are remembering. When you focus on who they were, the right words will come.
When You Need Support
Writing during grief can feel overwhelming. Tools like BestFarewell’s SageLink AI assistant are designed to help, offering gentle prompts and reminders to make the process easier. But in the end, it is your memories and love that will shape a tribute worthy of the person you are honoring.